waxed.

I may have just experienced the very worst wax job ever!!... well the very worst i will ever experience in my lifetime none the less.  Oh my Oh my Oh my.  My hope is that none of you will have to go through what i just did ... save your self the pain and anguish.  I only wanted a nice cleanup job... spruce my brazil up. Needs to happen via waxing as i have a fear of razors and have discovered that frustration of ingrowns.  Another no no a classy girl wants to avoid...unless you dont mind the look of "i may have picked something up along the tacky road of loose sex and questionable shagging partners"  Both of which i can proudly say i have avoided.  None the less ready for smooth bare skin.

Knowing that my regular girl had moved and my new waxing boutique was closed for the night i was destined to try something new.  Its always weird to welcome a new face but it had to be done.  Now i have been lucky enough to snatch up a pretty good deal with all my waxing jos thus far.  Somewhere in the range of $45 or $50 which is perfect since this happens to be an every 4 week investment.  After calling around and searching yelp i found one  priced at $50 dollars and burting with good reviews.  Looked like i had found the place.  I called the The Wax Shack and got a machine and assuming the place must be closed hung up...and begrudgingly opted to call URBANWAXX.  Close to my house...good reviews... but $70.  A bummer but i made the appointmernt.  About 20 minutes later i was thrilled when the Shack called me back with an opening!  I switched appointments, grabbed a coffee and headed on my way!

When i got to the place... there was a plastic chair outside the door with a single magazine sitting there waiting for me...in a random hallway of an active space building (small entreprenuers / artists / designers / hairdressers all rent studios there)... yes i may have thought to leave right then and there as i sat in this odd bare hall but my sister rents one of these spots out and i know the deal.  While sitting waiting the gal pops outside hands me the bathroom key on a dingy plastic rubber ducky key fob "in case you need to ues the bathroom before" she says.  Um eww no not really... she doest even introduce herself just pops back inside to finish with her current client.  When she finally returns she is sending her client out the door to an atm to get cash and on the phone with the credit card comapany trying to get her machine back working.  Apparently it came unplugged and as she would later tell me over and over again throughout the appoinment she had hundreds of dollars tied up in that machine that she needed to pay the bills tomorrow.  I tried to get a vibe from her previous customer as to whether i should just walk away right then and there...but in all honesty, other then giving me a heads up about the machine being down and making sure i had cash or check she seemed satisfied and unwavered.  So i entered.

"Ok well lets just get started"she blurted still on her cell phone with the credit card company... laying down sanitary sheets.  I thought it odd that she expected me to just strip down right in front of her.. no curtain...just wham!...Good thing this wasnt my first time... or i think i'd have been scared solid from ever returning just from the mere awkwardness of this solitary moment.  I removed my clotheshaphazardly and I got on the table as she let the credit card company have it over the phone... the "fuck thats" and "oh shits" being blurted out all over the place.  Highly unprofessional for a gal of this job set to be throwing out there while dealing with a brand new client.  I know i know... shoulda gotten up right then and there but i didnt.  I dont know why.  Lord help me.

The waxing proceeded as she slathered on wax and strips all while balancing her cell phone between her chin and cheek and paying absolutely no attention to me whatsoever.  She was missing spots and having to go over places time and time again as she never gave the wax time to set... fully distracted by her phonecall.  "Fuck fuck fuck" she explains to the phone operator about how things are screwed with her machine and then as an afterthought toward me "oh don't worry if i miss any spots i will be tweezing at the end"

Oh really i didn't know i was paying for a tweeze job... i specifically remeber asking for a brazilian WAX!!  (and i have an odd suspision that tweezing is gonna lead to...oh yes... more infrowns.  ugh)

All the sudden midphonecall ( or should say midwax?.. but at this point i really just felt like i was the one inconveniencing her call) the other phone started ringing in.  "oh thats just my last client hold on" she answers the phone and gets of in seconds.  "Don't worry i'll get you a towel" she says to me.  Back to her credit card call / F-bomb session.  (Now why the heck would i need a towl?)  She throws a mini washcloth in the direction of my coochie.  Just barely big enough to cover well nothing.  Opens the door to the hallway still bitching out the lady on the phone.  Geeze...i feel i little exposed here... anyone passing by in the hallways can pretty much see in and see ME!!!... half naked ...what the hell?!  A little privacy please!  The client comes to the door, hands her some cash, she closes the door, puts it down and comes back to wax me with no bother to even rewash her hands.  Sick!  Why the heck did i not get up and leave.?.. I am still asking myself this question.

At this point she is spilling wax on my legs and pretty much things are just messy.  She jokes "oh dont worry the leg wax is free".  (Oh really thats a joke... not so funny! That was the stupidest thing i have heard... You really think i am gonna laugh? you are an idiot.  You are so dumb...seriously.  Just finish the stupid wax Ok... and get me outta here... oh and when its time to pay i am giving you NOTHING)

Pretty much the tatooed, disheveled chick never gets off the call and when she finally does she starts scrolling through her cell phone trying to find wells fargo's number... all while forgetting about ME.. the client at hand once again.  She than stops what she's doing goes to her computer to start looking up the number online.  What am i invisible?  Do you not see me sitting her stark naked on the table...at you freaking mercy?  I am furiated... at some point during the apointment thus far she has offered to give me 5 dollars off the service, i have fully learned the blatant insanity of swearing inceccently on the job, this girl is clearly incapable and inconsiderate.  I have put up with enough.  I am disgusted.  "Why don't i just go" i state... " I'm just gonna go... and you can just deal with whtever it is you are dealing with but i just can't be here anymore.  This can't be happening.  I am done"  (How the hell am i gonna squeeze back into my black tights with my half bare, wax covered brazil?  I am questioning.. I dont know but i really dont care... just gonna make it work.  Get the heck outta here)  FINALLY... this gets her attention.  She stops everything she's doing tells me she'll do my wax for free "just please let me finish.  Cuz i have a feeling if you just let me finish you will be my client for life.  You will just keep coming back cuz you will be so impressed with the job i do" (is she serious? you have got to be joking me..there is no way after this appointment i would EVER set foot back in her space. and i have every intention of going onto yelp and writing up a horrid review)  She continues the wax...and somehow thinks it justified to tell me a story about another lady who demanded her money back as a way to calm my nerves??

She finishes... removes a few ingrowns with a needle (that of course now i am uber worried about the sanitation conditions of) I look at her wax pots there looks to be no cross contamination but there is wax and dust everywhere and i am hoping that there is not hair mixed with all the dust.  I dont even want to think about it and i certainly dont want to slather on the cooling creme and oil she gives me at the end and she is sadly mistaken in the thought that if she can just relate with me over twin sister stories and horoscopes she might be able to win me over. "oh by the way i am a twin too" and "oh a pisces i knew there was a reason why i liked you and we get along so well"  (really... cuz i actually dont like you at all and if you call this getting along you are crazy or at eh least on drugs)  And then in a last ditch effort throws out a sob story about her boyfriend in the hospital and how she was there the entire night before.  Oh poor you lady... sorry i dont have your sympathy... You just visited my brazil and lemme say i didnt like it.  infact i feel quite uncomfortable about it.

the only plus of the entire experience?   i guess was the free wax... but really at this point i'd rather have just paid up the $70 at urbanwaxx to leave with piece of mind.  Well i suppose you get what you pay for.




Last words:  "AVOID THEWAXSHACK.COM !"